a literary silhouette

Jumping Ship

2006-07-05T09:04:00.000+05:00

I'm thinking about jumping ship (to wordpress.com following this discovery of Iris). For now, I've imported my blogposts from blogger to wordpress and am currently in the process of revamping the set-up.

the new literary silhouette

Consider it a trial period.

"My first Muslim Friend"

2006-07-02T00:49:00.000+05:00

My Korean Parish-mate said the sweetest thing today. When I was making some tea I bumped into him in the kitchen and he complained that I am never around or seem to always be in my room. I get really tired after work and usually just chill/read etc in my room when I get home. The evenings are usually my wind-down/be-alone times. So I asked him, "Why? What's up? Why were you looking for me?" And he said, "Just to talk about anything. You are my first Muslim friend and so you are very special." When he said that, I immediately felt bad about appearing to be anti-social in the evenings, so I promised that I'd sit and "talk" with him about whatever he felt like talking about later this week.

Right now I am getting ready to head out to San Francisco for a free jazz festival with a couple other of my parish-mates..then we are going to hit some Hip Hop/Jewish folklorish/opera type thing in Oakland.

Tomorrow I will meet up with Layla for a hike at (eek) 7am. Later in the day I will hang out with the German exchange students since they are scheduled to go back to Germany for summer vacation in a couple of days.

I put my Canada flag on my car to commemorate Canada Day and dressed up my car's license plate with a cover that says "NHL: Ottawa Senators" :-)

This should prove to be an eventful weekend...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANADA!!!! BONNE FETE CANADA!!! Woohoo!!!

2006-07-01T10:37:00.000+05:00

Why do people study Chemistry and/or Engineering?

2006-07-01T10:33:00.000+05:00

Diet coke and Mentos:
http://eepybird.com/dcm1.html

My perfect world

2006-06-30T11:20:00.000+05:00

In a perfect world I would write poetry all day and not have to worry about any bills...

I wonder what others would do..

Social Isolation Growing in U.S., Study Says

2006-06-25T20:48:00.000+05:00

Social Isolation Growing in U.S., Study Says The Number of People Who Say They Have No One to Confide In Has Risen

By Shankar Vedantam
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, June 23, 2006; A03

Americans are far more socially isolated today than they were two decadesago, and a sharply growing number of people say they have no one in whom they can confide, according to a comprehensive new evaluation of the decline of social ties in the United States.

A quarter of Americans say they have no one with whom they can discuss personal troubles, more than double the number who were similarly isolated in 1985. Overall, the number of people Americans have in their closest circle of confidants has dropped from around three to about two.

The comprehensive new study paints a sobering picture of an increasingly fragmented America, where intimate social ties -- once seen as an integral part of daily life and associated with a host of psychological and civic benefits -- are shrinking or nonexistent. In bad times, far more people appear to suffer alone.

"That image of people on roofs after Katrina resonates with me, because those people did not know someone with a car," said Lynn Smith-Lovin, a Duke University sociologist who helped conduct the study. "There really is less of a safety net of close friends and confidants."

If close social relationships support people in the same way that beams hold up buildings, more and more Americans appear to be dependent on a single beam.

Compared with 1985, nearly 50 percent more people in 2004 reported that their spouse is the only person they can confide in. But if people face trouble in that relationship, or if a spouse falls sick, that means these people have no one to turn to for help, Smith-Lovin said.

"We know these close ties are what people depend on in bad times," she said. "We're not saying people are completely isolated. They may have 600 friends on Facebook.com [a popular networking Web site] and e-mail 25 people a day, but they are not discussing matters that are personally important."

The new research is based on a high-quality random survey of nearly 1,500 Americans. Telephone surveys miss people who are not home, but the General Social Survey, funded by the National Science Foundation, has a high response rate and conducts detailed face-to-face interviews, in which respondents are pressed to confirm they mean what they say.

Whereas nearly three-quarters of people in 1985 reported they had a friend in whom they could confide, only half in 2004 said they could count on such support. The number of people who said they counted a neighbor as a confidant dropped by more than half, from about 19 percent to about 8 percent.

The results, being published today in the American Sociological Review, took researchers by surprise because they had not expected to see such a steep decline in close social ties.

Smith-Lovin said increased professional responsibilities, including working two or more jobs to make ends meet, and long commutes leave many people too exhausted to seek social -- as well as family -- connections: "Maybe sitting around watching 'Desperate Housewives' . . . is what counts for family interaction."

Robert D. Putnam, a professor of public policy at Harvard and the author of "Bowling Alone," a book about increasing social isolation in the United States, said the new study supports what he has been saying for years to skeptical audiences in the academy.

"For most of the 20th century, Americans were becoming more connected with family and friends, and there was more giving of blood and money, and all of those trend lines turn sharply in the middle '60s and have gone in the other direction ever since," he said.

Americans go on 60 percent fewer picnics today and families eat dinner together 40 percent less often compared with 1965, he said. They are less likely to meet at clubs or go bowling in groups. Putnam has estimated that every 10-minute increase in commutes makes it 10 percent less likely that people will establish and maintain close social ties.

Television is a big part of the problem, he contends. Whereas 5 percent of U.S. households in 1950 owned television sets, 95 percent did a decade later.

But University of Toronto sociologist Barry Wellman questioned whether the study's focus on intimate ties means that social ties in general are fraying. He said people's overall ties are actually growing, compared with previous decades, thanks in part to the Internet. Wellman has calculated that the average person today has about 250 ties with friends and relatives.

Wellman praised the quality of the new study and said its results are surprising, but he said it does not address how core ties change in the context of other relationships.

"I don't see this as the end of the world but part of a larger puzzle," he said. "My guess is people only have so much energy, and right now they are switching around a number of networks. . . . We are getting a division of labor in relationships. Some people give emotional aid, some people give financial aid."

Putnam and Smith-Lovin said Americans may be well advised to consciously build more relationships. But they also said social institutions and social-policy makers need to pay more attention.

"The current structure of workplace regulations assumes everyone works from 9 to 5, five days a week," Putnam said. "If we gave people much more flexibility in their work life, they would use that time to spend more time with their aging mom or best friend."

C 2006 The Washington Post Company

News from Norway

2006-06-23T05:05:00.000+05:00

Egg kills hen
A hen from Molde managed to lay an egg roughly twice the normal size.

Man battled moose with slipper - and won
A Norwegian who thought he'd be spending a quiet weekend at his cabin near Kongsvinger ended up battling an angry moose with the first weapon that came to mind - his slipper.

Tourists took over café
The operators of a small roadside café in the mountains of Norway suddenly found themselves occupied by two busloads of tourists from India over the weekend.

2006-06-19T10:32:00.000+05:00

It feels so good to recite Quran on a parish. Almost as good as it is to recite the Adhan in a newborn's ear whose parents are non-Muslim. Subhanallah.

After the class on Andalusia (btw, beautiful class - it was small and was comprised of mostly Latino converts to Islam. It is inspiring to see such a growing Muslim community explore their Islamic/cultural history and roots), my Aunti friend suggested we visit several grocery stores to make sure that I eat properly. Eating properly means eating organic foods. She wanted to teach me how to shop wisely and get the most for my money, so she took me to Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, PW Market and Nob Hills (we don't have any of these stores in Ottawa) to show me which stores sell organic produce at good prices. She explained how sales work here and which brands to look out for. What a dear, eh?

A Good Weekend in Cali...but I still miss Ottawa

2006-06-18T22:34:00.000+05:00

On Friday I was invited for dinner at an Aunti's house who I met last year on the Rihla. Mashallah, what an amazing person. Not only is she diligent in her deen and studies (she is 65, mashallah), but she is very active and healthy. Before maghrib, we went for a walk and recited a wird together. After maghrib we recited Surah Al Waqia together as well. She gave me a list of places to shop from, what brands to look out for, how to look for sales here and instructed me to ensure that I only eat organic food and by organic and vegetable grain fed meat. She said that not only are we supposed to eat Halal food, but we are supposed to eath food that is TAHIR (pure)...ie not contaminated with chemicals as non-organic so food often is. I will be carpooling with her to attend a class on Spanish Muslims this afternoon. Can't wait, especially since I was in Spain just last year! I still can't get over how smart she is mashallah - she has a PhD in Statistics from Columbia University.

Yesterday, I attended a Khatim to make dua for needs of the community (Dua-e-Hajaat). It was so beautiful, mashallah. It was the second Khatim that I have participated in since I got here. It is so nice to be in a community that does Khatims (I know that there are potentially two opinions about doing this, but it is nice to be around people who do do it).

After the khatim, I returned to the Parish to fix up my place - still unpacking and what not. I met one of the German exchange students. We went for a walk and talked about the Parish, current events (including World Cup soccer, of course) etc. He pulled out the copy of the issue of TIME magazine (he has a subscription) that I wrote about in an earlier blog and asked me what I thought about the cover..ekhs.. He asked me if the Pastor has tried to convert me as yet. I asked him why he asked this. He said that he is a non-practising Catholic and the Pastor tried to convert him but it didn't go very far. The Pastor is Pentecostal. incidentally, the pastor gave me a book on Isa Alaihi salam but i have so many other books on my plate before this one. When I told Alex this he said.."yah, he tried to give me this book but i didn't take it." He said that he was frustrated with some Americans because they keep asking him if Hitler is still alive and what part of Germany he is from (East or West, like they dont know the wall came down long ago). I told him not to worry.. many don't know that Ottawa is the capital of Canada. To which he expressed more frustration about people who do not know about the world around them.. we started talking about gas prices (incidentally, the gas prices here are cheaper than in Canada and apparently are half the price of those in Munich)..is it any wonder, then, that people walk more in Europe and in Canada than in the States?

We played ping pong (I kept losing) until he informed me that I serve like a tennis or squash player (ummm, yah, i used to play those so that's probably why). When he finally demonstrated how to serve in ping pong, I gained more control over the game, but i still lost..sigh, i'll get better inshallah. I think we will be going to some nearby restaurant in downtown Mountain View on Friday, so it should be nice... If I am up for going myself, I am thinking about asking them to come with me to Generation M in San Francisco next Saturday (yah, they have it here too!!! - i know, i know..since when have I been excited about these kinds of things? well it i think it is potentially exciting if I take my new non-muslim friends there, especially since they have invited me places, is it not? particularly since Sh. Hamza and Imam Zaid will be there...)

btw, did you see this article? (courtesy of my sis):
U.S. Muslim Clerics Seek a Modern Middle Ground

My New Place

2006-06-16T19:51:00.000+05:00

I've finally moved in to "The Parish". Gang way for a chockful of experiences this summer. Woohoo!

I've already met some really interesting people who live here. Two are gospel singers and producers who have already produced some CDs and recordings. They sing, record, engineer and create Gospel, R&B, Hip Hop etc music. They both went to *shuddering to think how gifted they are* Stanford University for music. We talked about choir (alto/soprano), piano, drums, tablas...the works!

There is a Korean student who is studying Veternarian Medicine. He was really interested in the "Islamic culture" as he put it. He said that he felt that women don't talk to him because he is male and he was a bit hesitant to talk to me since he thought that was part of my religion. Yes, I have work to do here! We got to talking about what I can and cannot do, eat, etc. The issue of pork came up and I told him how I cannot eat any animal with a certain type of hoof and with canine teeth (a sign of eating animal flesh). While we were discussing what kind of hoof a pig has, my new Korean friend interjected (being the student of VM that he is) and said that pigs have canine teeth. Thus, the answer of why we do not eat pork was received and understood quite well.

There are two German foreing-exchange students and some other people here as well, but I have yet to meet them. One day at a time!

Magazine Covers

2006-06-14T03:29:00.000+05:00

I stopped by at a local bookstore to get a chai latte (yes, I've finally stopped drinking at Starbucks and have found more gratifying alternatives). This particular bookstore reminds me a lot of Chapters but its coffee shop is not Starbucks (yay!)

As I was perusing the magazine rack with my chai latte in hand, I chanced upon this week's copy of Time magazine. Oh My Lord. I let out an audible gasp as I was horrified by their choice of magazine covers. Fine, it was a picture of Zarqawi. "So what?" you may ask. What bothers me most about the cover of this magazine is the number of insinuations that can be made from the cover alone. The fact that they did not put any words on it to indicate that the face on the cover is Zarqawi is troubling. How many people know or care(d) to know what Zarqawi look[s|ed] like? Instead, it looks like a typical Muslim man with a beard and a kufi (small cap that Muslim men are known to wear) with a big RED "X" across his face. Basically, it X's out anyone who resembles this face.

The not-so-hidden message of this magazine cover is very disturbing to say the least. I don't think I am being overly sensitive or defensive in feeling the way I do. I am exasperatingly apalled. I wish Time Magazine had specified who it was on the cover to avoid having any Tom, Dick, Jane and Harry assume that anyone who looks like this should be X'd out in RED. I wish I had someone to vent with. Sigh. So I vent on my blog.

Interestingly enough, and on a lighter note, I came across another magazine called "Burda". Yes, you may think that it is an Arab magazine or something having to do with Muslims (that's what I thought when I picked it up) but it's not. Actually, I believe that it is a Russian fashion magazine. I wonder what the word burda means in Russian. What leads me to believe that it is a Russian fashion magazine (since there was not a word of English in it) was that its script resembled the script that was on a lady's business card that was given to me by my seat mate when I was on one of my travels. The lady was Russian.

My Little Ottawa in Cali

2006-06-13T22:13:00.001+05:00

After being homesick for so many days, I started to feel a little comfort after attending Saturday's Burda recitation at Zaytuna Institute. Alhamdolillah.

On Saturday, I also attended a Khatam Al Quran which made me all the more comfortable. It brings so much solace to my heart to be in an area that values Khatams.

On Sunday, I joined the hike at Zaytuna and was able to reconnect with a good friend from Ottawa, alhamdolillah. The hike was deemed "low intensity" by Imam Zaid but you have to remember that he was in the military, so his idea of low instensity is more like moderate/high intensity for the rest of us...hehehe.

Later that afternoon I visited another Ottawa friend who is studying at Berkeley. She gave me all kinds of advice and encouragement. She also loaned me 3 books that will probably help me - The Princessa (Machiavelli for Women) by Harriet Rubin (you may remember philosopher Machiavelli's The Prince), Imam Al Ghazali's On Disciplining the Soul, and Dr. Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled.

I started The Road Less Traveled for now and have discovered it to be indispensible. While it's more for individuals, I couldn't help but think that our ummah is suffering from a character disorder problem. Basically it means that we don't want to assume responsiblity for our own behaviour or problems and try to pass on that responsiblity to other individuals, organizations or entities. By doing so, we are essentially giving our power to that body. Peck likened this behaviour to Erich Fromm's study of Nazism and authoritarianism called Escape from Freedom. I find so much truth in this title - by blaming external entities and not assuming responsiblity for our actions or our state, we are, in essence, relinquishing our own freedom. While the book is directed more at individuals, I could not help but think that our Ummah is suffering from this as a whole. While it could be saddening, it is important to recognize this before we can do something about it.. that is, if we care enough.

Anyhow, my friend at Berkeley recommended that I finish Imam Al-Ghazali's book in one month so that when she gets back we can have a little "book club" meeting - similar to what we would have with Sr. K in Ottawa. But Imam Al-Ghazali's books are known to very heavy and deep. I am not sure if I will be able to finish it by then, but I'll try inshallah.

In the evening I met up with another good friend from Canada.. actually, she's originally from here but moved up to Canada when she got married. Coincidentally enough she was visiting her parents while I am here and introduced me to her family so that I have some family around in case I run into any problems. Alhamdolillah.

It was really nice to see familiar faces who I feel close to...like my own little Ottawa in California.

I am going to miss this year's Canada Day if I can't make it back in tiem for it. My highschool buddies are already planning the yearly Canada Day BBQ event... if I am still here in the beginning of July, it will actually be my very first 4th of July.. and I am not sure of how I would spend it. I still haven't really met any remotely "cool" Muslims to hang out with that are even close to the coolness that my ottawan crew exuberates. everyone seems so uptight. maybe the parish that I am moving to will do something for July 4th...yah, living on a parish is going to be quite the experience. I am getting excited about it.

Advice passed on from Ammi Dearest

2006-06-09T07:55:00.000+05:00

"Ignorance is the only source of evil. It is improper to act out of ignorance or to accept moral instructions from those who have not proven their own wisdom"

- Socrates

Flight 26 XM

2006-05-20T10:23:00.000+05:00

I discovered a new radio station in the States last week. It's called Flight 26 XM. Amazing. No commercials. Plays music from U2, Coldplay and more.. I love it. I wonder if we can get it here in Canada.

Looking for a hadith

2006-05-15T03:21:00.000+05:00

There's a hadith that I'm trying to locate..

It's the one about how it is our religious obligation to work hard and to do the best we can at whatever we do..to complete the things we start...not just complete, but to aim for perfection in every task at hand.

this hadith is motivating and it reminds me not to slack at whatever i'm working on. i desperately want to find it so that i may affix it to a place i see everyday.. maybe a mirror or something (yes, ironically i'm vain)

help? heard it before?

i don't know how to effectively Google it, otherwise i would have found it by now :-S

ipods

2006-05-14T20:56:00.000+05:00

what's the deal with ipods?

do i give in to the craze?

do i need something blasting in my ears 24/7?

what happened to appreciating minutes of solitude and quietness?

i refuse to give in.

i will not give in.

do small, little, flash mp3 players fall into this category? i have one of those but i have not used it in 3-4 months... have i already given in, half-way, by possessing one of these little gadgets?

[this post in response to the ipod holders that numerous vendors are selling, e.g. Gap and Nine West. Incidentally, i bought a flashy, gem-studded, gold/copper ipod holder for my sis from Nine West. If it wasn't specifically designed for an ipod, i would have gotten one for myself to use for something else...]

Best piece of advice I've ever received

2006-05-14T07:19:00.000+05:00

Really,
Honest to God,
No Job,
No Man,
No Woman,
No-Thing
is worth sacrificing your deen for.

When the Time is right, in G-d's Plan, you get what you truly need. Nothing less, nothing more. Not earlier, not later. And you come away completely satisfied, not even desiring anything else. Trying to even understand "The Plan" will take you in never ending, tiring and un-rewarding circles.

Alhamdolillah.

Sunshine Makes Me High

2006-05-12T02:13:00.000+05:00

It's true. There is nothing like Sunshine to put you in a good mood. A very good mood.

I went with one of the ladies that is staying here to San Francisco today. She works at a natural/organic body care store at Castro and Market. Yeah. You can imagine what kind of heavenly abode I found myself in. It has everything that you can imagine to holistically soothe your body and soul. All the products are natural, organic, and smell so yummy! Since she works there she gets a 15-25% discount on everything. She said that she could give me the same discount, so I bought some stuff for my hair and a nice facial cleanser. I already have Tom's toothpaste, so didn't need any flouride-free toothpaste. My dad bought me Nature's Gate toothpaste in the past, but I find it more pricey then Tom's.

After i spent about 1 hour in the store, I decided to venture to downtown SF on foot. Can you imagine that I immediately got lost? I know my sense of direction sucks, but I never thought that I would get lost right at the start. I blame it on the nature of the intersection. The Castro and Market intersection is absolutely confusing. It's not just two streets that intersect, but three! The intersection is with Castro, Market and 17th. So instead of walking down Market (which would take me to downtown SF), I ended up walking to the end of Castro (near Waller). Walking is nice; getting lost is not. The architecture, weather and hills reminded me of the city walking my mom, sis and I did while we were in Andalusia, Spain, last year.

I made my way back to Point Zero (Castro and Market) and tried to hide so that my friend would not notice that, an hour later, I still stood at the same intersection. She noticed and had a good laugh.

Again, I started on my way towards downtown SF. I asked a few people for directions and they suggested I take the bus. "Nah," I told them, "these legs were made for walking." There is something about walking in a new city that is exuberating. I wish I had my camera. I felt like a small city girl in the big city. Actually, that's what I am. Ottawa is so small compared to San Francisco, and the people so eclectically different!

For some reason, I attract the most interesting of people. All the way to downtown SF, people who were white, black, spanish stopped to say salam to me. Not "Hi" but "salam". I stopped to ask one white man for directions and he said "How come you didn't greet me with Salams? Say Assalamu alaikum and then I will answer your questions."

When I reached downtown SF, some white dude came up to me, said salam and then whipped around to show me his leather jacket. It had "Allah" written in beautiful yellow caligraphy. Underneath it read "Subhanallah". I wish I had my camera. I think I said that already.

I didn't really go downtown to do any shopping. I just wanted to see what was available. I was tempted to buy a skirt from Zara but withheld myself. I don't have the money to splurge on anything these days. I think the skirts from Mexx were enough.

I had a late lunch in the San Francisco Shopping Centre (after checking out Club Monaco, of course) and then made my way back to Castro and Market. When I started walking, I met a young couple who were also a bit new to the area. Ha! You know they were really lost when they stopped to ask someone like me for directions. They said they were from Pacifica. I told them that I was from Canada and that they should know more about where we are since they are from the Pacific Coast while I am from the East Coast. Ha Ha Ha! They were like...."No, Pacifica is a city nearby..another city.. not Pacific. Pasific-AH".

"Oh."

It ended up that we were trying to get back to the exact same intersection (Castro and Market), so we walked back together. They were young art students. Maybe late teens or early twenties. They thought my skirt was cool (I was wearing my old, brown, flowy skirt that I should probably soon make into rags). When i told them what my background is, they started coughing and said that I don't look like a Scientist or Computer person. Thanks, I knew that already because just about everyone who meets me has the same comment to make.. but WHY DOES EVERYONE TELL ME THIS? How are scientists and computer people supposed to look like? Did I miss that in one of my classes? To look like an artist is cool and all, but sometimes..maybe one day in my life, I'd like to look like an Engineer...

[aside: I once tried to sneak my sister's engineering iron ring away (canadian thing) so that I could pretend to be a full fledged engineer for a day.. but they have some sort of code of conduct that they are sworn in to, so it is almost illegal for me to wear this ring unless i was a real engineer].

Anyhow, as we made our way to Point Zero, we noticed that almost all of the stores were solely full of men. Even a coffee shop (Peet's) had only men in it. The girl and i were feeling sorta edgy about this observation...kinda like we didn't belong.. then we noticed why. The whole area around Castro and Market is, let's just say, FAR..very FAR..from halal activity.

When my friend and I were driving back to where we are currently staying (maybe an hour's drive), we jacked up the music and SCREAMED our frustrations out. very liberating. I know IB suggested that I write a poem in SF, but I needed to scream more than write a poem.. it really made me feel better :-)

Arab food

2006-05-10T06:07:00.000+05:00

While I am staying in this Syrian and Palestinian household, I'm learning how to make all sorts of new dishes. I can't wait to try them out on my own when I get home!

Today I learned how to make wara al-aynab (grape leaves stuffed with rice and meat) and koussa mehshi (stuffed zucchini). Very yummy and healthy. I learned how to make freeka (dunno the english equivalent, but it's a type of grain) with vegetable grain-fed chicken yesterday.

Last year, I sprained my ankle while skiing (a snowboarder ploughed into my left ankle). It hurt me, especially when I'd pray, for at least a couple of months afterwards during which I normally kept a Tensor bandage wrapped around it. After that, the pain subsided considerably though I'd continue to feel something every now and then. I don't know what I did, but the pain returned while I was in Pakistan. Today, one of the kids who lives here stepped on my ankle by accident (don't ask me how she stepped on my ankle and not my foot) making it hurt like a b*%&$. Am I going to have to worry about the weakness in my left ankle for years to come?

Disclaimer: I probably spelled the Arabic names of the food wrong, but that's how they sound to me.

A Girly Magazine for Muslimahs

2006-05-07T22:33:00.000+05:00

So, I'm just taking down the application for this year's Rihla at www.deenintensive.com.

Before I could even take it down, someone asked me if I could help put together a website for Nisaa' magazine, a Canadian based girly magazine. They've released about 2 issues so far. From what I've been told, the target of the magazine is Canadian highschool/university age Muslimahs - "kinda like a muslimah version of seventeen/cosmogirl". Please, no one tell me it's bidda'.

I haven't seen the magazines yet, so I will be snail mailed some copies.. this project seems so interesting! It'll keep me young as I approach my thirties and I'll be able to keep up with what's going on with our youth.

The target release date of this website is Dec 2006, inshallah.

kids, kids, kids.. i need a break..

2006-05-07T21:41:00.000+05:00

So I went for a long walk last night. I went for a walk the last couple of days, but it was always with the kids that live here. Last night I went for a walk by myself, so I could go a little bit further. I came to a street called "IRIS" and thought of IB :-) I wish I was smart enough like Summayyah to have brought my camera along so that I could have taken a photo of the street sign.. but I think it's still packed in my bags from Pakistan. I have a camera in my phone but I don't have any of those USB cables to download the photos to the computer either. What the heck did I pack with me when I came here? not much..

When I went for a walk on Friday, I went with two of the kids that live here - Sarah is 9 and Jannah is 2. Sarah came home at 12:30ish so she wanted to go to the library. It's only a few minutes away, so that's where we decided to go. Since Jannah wouldn't be able to walk that much, we put her in a stroller. Sarah freaked out when we took the stroller out since it had what she thought were "cobwebs". They weren't really cobwebs..they were just spider webs. I told her that spider webs are a blessing since they protected our Prophet (saw) so she shouldn't be scared of them. She couldn't believe that I removed the spider webs with my bare hands. We walked a bit and she saw an earthworm and picked it up. It became her companion for the duration of our walk. I couldn't believe that she would pick up an earthworm with her bare hands. I don't understand why she would be scared of a spider web but all chummy with earthworms.

Jannah can't say my name properly. She calls me "Nannia". You think it's cute? I don't think so. That's not my name. It's like how my little sister would call me "Nanni" (btw, i love her to bits, but you know how little sisters sometimes are... ;-) ). Why can't kids pronounce the letter "D"? I suppose it's because making the "D" sound is a lot harder than making the "N" sound.. They have a younger sister named Seema. Seema is maybe a year and a bit. I speak with her using proper English, not in "baby" language...how will she learn then? Sarah asked me why I speak "like a grown up with her"? I'm sorry, but I will not speak like a baby with her. I don't think it helps a child's language development to speak with them in "baby" language.

Does this mean that I'm mean to kids and they don't like me? Nope. They still like me and stick to me like glue. Yesterday all four kids were going to the park and they asked me over and over again to accompany them. I needed a break. So I went for a walk by myself instead.

You know who I miss? I miss Hasanah. She's a little gem. I still can't get over how she preferred to stay with me one day while I was frying samosas and her new Dora's dollhouse remained idle in the other room. I'd like to think it's because of my *amazing* personality and way with children, but something tells me it's because I was making her favourite food - samosas (actually, they were samboosas).

for you IB..because you are so bossy and you yelled at me..seriously, you are a terror

2006-05-07T01:55:00.000+05:00

So i talked to IB for quite sometime today.. boy, do I miss you. I needed someone to yell at me. It's been awhile. I'm sorry for not putting up a post with some meat for a long time. You know how it goes... living life with no control.

I kinda feel sad that Summayyah will be so far away for the next couple of years or so. I know that I don't see her that often since she lives in Montreal, but knowing that she was nearby was consoling. I am also kinda sad that IB moved away from near my house. I mean, the new location of your apartment is ideal, but I already feel lonely. but who am i to say anything.. it's not like i've been in ottawa for more than 2-3 weeks at a time for the past 5-6 months now.. I don't know why guys, but I'm tired of Muslims unless they are like us. Saadia also asked why I was withdrawn.. I guess it's just a combination of many things. It seems like all of us had to make changes in our lives at the same time, so I don't see anything as it was or used to be... I'm glad that we all started to blog though. I feel as though i can keep tabs on all of you no matter where I am.

IB, I hope you enjoy that non-halal bachelorette party.. maybe, just maybe, you'll get something that looks like water but tastes like ...... it may just help you :-P

I had a long discussion with this non Muslim guy two days ago about the Existence of God. I was trying to prove to him the Existence of God, yet again. You know, it's so difficult to prove the "existence" of God without using the word "exist" because God cannot really be defined by terms like "exist", "before creation", "time", "space" etc. It wasn't really an argument but a very heated discussion. I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall. At the end of it, I was like "I really don't understand why you are not Muslim" to which he replied.. "I dont know why either.. you bring up really good points and I try to break them but you know how to solidly back them up" but then he brought up all these little practisy things that he has issues with. I admit, I have a hard time with many little "practisy" things, but that doesn't lessen my belief in the Oneness of Allah. This is what I was trying to get him to see. But it wasn't just the practisy things. He wants to know all the details of God, like what He looks like, etc, before he will believe in Him. I asked him if that really matters in his belief? He thinks it does. So I go back to the point of how God cannot be defined in terms that creation is defined in. Seriously, this discussion is like a neverending circle. A merry go round. I get dizzy. I want to get off. Now he wants me to talk to one of his friends who is a staunch atheist. I know that if i talk to him it will probably just be for the sake of talking..the guy lives in Los Angeles so a discussion with him will probably be difficult. I remember having a discussion with an atheist at work before.. he was convinced that believing in science was enough. while i'm convinced that believing in science can never nullify belief in God. i noticed that, when talking about religion etc, there is so much play on words. and it reminded me of that line from "The Book of Strangers" - something like.. could it be that knowledge is other than what language could ever contain or even imply?

So, then we get onto the subject of the After Life. Yes, it was a very long discussion. I have them all the time with this individual. They tire me but don't seem to tire him. He thinks the idea of racking up bad deeds and good deeds is fascinating. He thinks that the idea of how, in some cases, humans need to ask each other for forgiveness before asking God for forgiveness is sensational. He seems to get hyper over what scares me.

Anyways, do you see what I mean? I am missing our little tight group of cool muslim friends. I don't see this where I am. I see immigrant mentality and am just not used to it I think. I don't even want to get used to it. So I miss you all.

You know someone did ask me where I was from over here. I said "Canada". "No, really, where are you from".. "CANADA, wanna see my loonies and toonies? Oh, you mean my ethnic background?" See, when someone asks me this in Canada, i assume they mean ethnicity..but when I'm here, I think Canada cuz that's where I was born. Speaking of loonies and toonies, did you know that I cannot find one flippin place to exchange my Canadian money other than at a bank (and I do not want to go there - exchange rates are stupendously high and they add all kinds of extra fees for exchanging money)? Why don't they have places like Accurate or the World Exchange Plaza here? I tried 3 places in the area and they said that they only do Philipino money.

Oh yah, I got my glasses (the ones that IB helped me pick out) tightened at Lenscrafters a couple of days ago. I think they tightened them too much. My head feels squished. I have a headache.

happy IB, i mean, the Cat Whisperer? this post is especially for you..

Driving

2006-04-24T22:26:00.000+05:00

i dislike driving with a passion

Mountain of the Waters

2006-03-19T09:40:00.000+05:00

a lone mountain of the waters,
whose drift exists, but is ever so slight.
your beauty is that which is hidden
captivating, fascinating, alluring
your reflection of the sun, blinding.
for centuries it has been a dream
to control you
to destroy you
to steer you.
your tenacity resists.
your power, awe-inspiring.
as captain of my ship, i seek to sail around you, to
steer away
but your hidden beauty draws me near.
it beckons me. it tempts me.
the danger of free floating icebergs is known
flipping without warning

so i watch for the bird
who has sought temporary refuge in you
who has built its home upon you
its sense of balance acute,
feels a slight shift in mass
and sets aflight
before you roll again,
in self discovery
and development.
flying away,
a recurring cry resonates the wind:
"i fly away, but watch you from a distance,
your rolls, your somersaults, your cartwheels
add new dimensions to your beauty.
when you come up for air once more, i shall return.
i'll build my home again.
i know it will be temporary,
but i seek no permanence.
i come for lessons to learn,
and lessons to teach.
share the secrets of the waters,
whilst i share those of the skies."

© Nadia Saif.

Delusional Circumferential Parallelism

2006-03-18T21:59:00.000+05:00

Have you forgotten to live
while chasing a life that is not yours?
Though knowing the illusion is deceptive,
you habitually search the horizon,
while the radiance of celestial bodies blinds.

Have you forgotten Nature's laws?
It appears to be a meeting, but
the sky and land will never shake hands.
What are you, then, searching for?
The horizon charms deluded eyes,
tempting their gaze into submission,
as your lifespan decreases by the day.
Do you recognize this deceitful caress?
Perfect harmony.
Permanent separation.

© Nadia Saif.

Contention #1

2006-03-18T16:29:00.000+05:00

Try as it may, education breeds neither intelligence nor civility.

Humanizing Nature and Naturizing/Naturalizing Humans

2006-03-12T17:21:00.000+05:00

Thinking I have been very clever in the description of my blog and that I have coined two cool new phrases, humanizing nature and naturizing/naturalizing humans, I sheepishly begin thinking how I should copyright or trademark these terms, as well as how I would further define them.

Then - doing what most computer savvy people would do - I Google them! To my surprise, they have been used and described in books upon books and theories upon theories of Ancient Greek Philosophy, Science, Poetry, and Praxis Theory. [firitimo would know what I'm talking about...]

Shoot, I've created more homework for myself! While I'll read up on what these philosophers, scientists, sociobiologists and writers meant when they coined these terms, I'm going to work on my own explanation for them as I had initially intended. Why does Google make information so readily available? In my own ignorantly blissful world, I would have continued to innocently imagine that I was the first one who thought of these awesome ideas... sigh...

2006-02-22T21:29:00.000+05:00